第78章
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She perfectly remembered everything that had passed in converssnd;ed the country,he had told his story to no one but herself;but that after their removal it had been everywhere discussed;the father would always prevent his exposing the son.
How differently did everything now appear in which he was concerned!His attentions to Miss King were now the consequence of views solely and hatefully mercenary;and the mediocrity of her fortune proved no longer the moe;he had either been deceived with regard to her fortune, or had been gratifying his vanity by encouraging ther;ed by Jane, had long ago asserted his blamelessness in the affair; that proud and repulsive as were his manners, she had never, in the whole course of their acquaintance—an acquaintance which had latterly brought them much together, and given her a sort of intimacy with his ways—seen anything that betrayed him to be unprincipled or unjust—anything that spoke him of irreligious or immoral habits;that among his own connections he was esteemed and valued—that even Wickham had allowed him merit as a brother,and that she had often heard him speak so affectionately of his sister as to prove him capable of some amiable feeling;ght could hardly have been concealed from the world;and that friendshipe had been blind, partial,prejudiced,absurd.
“How despicably I have acted!”she cried;“I,who have prided myself on my discernment! I, who have valued myself on my abilities!who have often disdained the generous candour of my sister, and gratified my vanity in useless or blameable mistrust! How humiliating is this discovery!Yet, how just a humiliation! Had I been in love,I could not have been of the other, on the very beginning of our acquaintance,I have courted prepossession andJane—from Jane to Bingley,her thoughtseshe deny that credit to his assertions in one instance,which she had been obliged to give in the other?He declared himself to be totally unsuspicious of her sister's attachment;and she couldlt that Jane's feelings,though fervent,were little displayed,and that there was a constant placency in her air and manner not often united with great sensibility.
When she came to that part of the letter in which her family were mentioned in terms of such d the circumstances to which he particularly alluded as having passed at the Netherfield ball, and as confirming all his first disapprobation, could not have made a stronger impression on his mind than on hers.
h had thus been self-attracted by the rest of her family;and as she considered that Jane's disappointment had in fact been the work of her nearest relations,and reflected how materially the credit of both must be hurt by such impropriety of conduct, she felt depressed beyond anything she had ever known before.
After wandering along the lane for two hours, giving way to every variety of thought—re-considering events, determining probabilities, and reconciling herself, as well as she could, to a change so sudden and so important, fatigue, and a recollection of her long absence, made her at length return home; and she entered the house with the wish of appearing cheerful as usual, and the resolution of repressing such reflections as must make her unfit for conversation.
She was immediately told that the two gentlemen from Rosings had each called during her absence;tzwilliam had been sitting with them at least an hour, hoping for her return, ;; she could think only of her letter.
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